I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
