I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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