i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
