if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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