just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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