using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
