Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
