Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
