I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
