69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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