I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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