I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
