would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
