Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
