Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
