1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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