Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
