flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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