the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
