Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
