I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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