My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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