You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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