The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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