Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
