You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
