theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
