we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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