Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
