you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you never un-have a 4some
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
