I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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