im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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