Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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