He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just pee around me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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