Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
