I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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