If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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