People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
