Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
