Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
