Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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