Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
