i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
