Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
