"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
