I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You are the jesus of drinking
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
