I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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