i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
