like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
