you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
