Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
