i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
