Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
