Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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